lllllllllllllletswrite:

i almost got arrested when i was 7 because i was putting that fake snow stuff in plastic sandwich baggies and giving them to all my friends and more and more kids would come to me asking for snow and one of the kid’s parents found it and they thought it was cocaine so they called the police on us and they literally thought that a 7 year old girl had created an underground drug distributing system

landorus:

cashier: that’ll be $4.20

me: bruh

cashier: bruh

cumaddict72:

guccier:

nice url did ur mom pick it out for u

yes

seifukucat:

"push! PUSH!" the nurse screams in the delivery room. i can’t believe i’m going to lose a push-up contest in front of my newborn son

  • police officer: you're under arrest for shooting someone in the chest
  • me: whoever made the rhyme did the crime(:
  • police officer: haha i have to give you credit for that one dude you're off the hook

spicy-vagina-tacos:

youre-so-basic-it-hurts:

spicy-vagina-tacos:

thousands of followers but still stuck with 10 note selfies

the fuck

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you gotta be kidding me

(Source: mattsmih)

Rules to learning English

questlon:

1. their our know rules

(Source: ellendegeneres)

rhydonmyhardon:

teaching this living cupcake how to be a ruthless fucking cannibal

  • shrek's kid: dad... i'm... i'm gay
  • shrek: well, better out than in, i always say, eh? heheheheh someBODY ONCE

kldzbop:

kldzbop:

somebody give me a pep talk

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inspirational